wallowing in self-pity

As the title suggests, I’m kinda depressed at the moment. I was out and about having fun these last few days. I still am, actually. I’m posting using my friend’s iPad, so the auto caps and the spellcheck noticeable here. Anyways, someone very important to me has said something that affected me strongly. To my friends, who I’m with right now, I’m not even fazed by it. Inside, however, I’m having a struggle trying to smile, talk, and chat without sobbing suddenly. Good thing I’m a man. Not really. Sometimes, I wish I had some sort of freedom to show weakness. My friends look up to me. That’s why I’m being tough. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t the ‘wisest’, or ‘most mature’, among my friends, so they don’t expect things from me. People labeled that way are usually faced with a huge burden they didn’t choose to carry. I’m rambling, but who cares.

unreliable.

i barely rely on my parents, even though i’m underage. the only thing i rely on them for is a roof and some sort of provisions. i know to get disappointed when i ask them for something. i do not disclose any information about myself, because i don’t trust them.

i should learn my lesson by now. whenever i rely on either of them, i get disappointed. but i just don’t learn. they’re my parents. what am i gonna do?

well, once again, disappointment comes. i was heading out for an important meeting for something. i was supposed to be there by 8, but commuting takes more than an hour, so i planned on leaving around 6:30. but my dad was heading out as well, and he offered me a ride. my dad says that he’d be back around 7:30, because it was actually a 30 min drive. i trusted him, and said that i’d wait for him.

around 7:35, i kinda panicked a little bit, so i called my dad. he didn’t pick up. this went on for 15 mins. 7:50 hit, and i was a bit upset. this was a huge understatement. i called the people i was meeting up with, and let them know that i might be late. then i asked my mom for a ride, because if i commute, i would be there at around 9. my mom said no, because my dad didn’t renew the registration for HIS car, and he used my mom’s car. i was beyond upset at this point. not at my mother, though.

8:10, i called the people, letting them know that i can’t make it. they were understandably upset. i tried to give excuses, and eventually the conversation ended. 8:23, my dad called me, letting me know that he was on his way home. i said never mind, since there’s no point. he nonchalantly said goodbye, without any apology of any sort.

i’m not even upset anymore. i knew this was gonna happen. i’m just asking myself why. why are my parents like this? i barely let them down. the only thing i let them down in is my grades, but only because of the competitive school i’m enrolled in.

times like this, i wish… i just wish…

well, lookie here.

someone is apparently reading my blog. that’s surprising. to me anyways. and i looked at their blog. wonderful kind of writing i’ve never even thought of before. it’s pretty cool. i doubt i’d be able to write something like that. well at least i got something to occupy me when i’m bored.