wallowing in self-pity

As the title suggests, I’m kinda depressed at the moment. I was out and about having fun these last few days. I still am, actually. I’m posting using my friend’s iPad, so the auto caps and the spellcheck noticeable here. Anyways, someone very important to me has said something that affected me strongly. To my friends, who I’m with right now, I’m not even fazed by it. Inside, however, I’m having a struggle trying to smile, talk, and chat without sobbing suddenly. Good thing I’m a man. Not really. Sometimes, I wish I had some sort of freedom to show weakness. My friends look up to me. That’s why I’m being tough. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t the ‘wisest’, or ‘most mature’, among my friends, so they don’t expect things from me. People labeled that way are usually faced with a huge burden they didn’t choose to carry. I’m rambling, but who cares.

i’m so bored.

today might be really boring. i guess i’ll just play some video games. like the teenager i am.

unreliable.

i barely rely on my parents, even though i’m underage. the only thing i rely on them for is a roof and some sort of provisions. i know to get disappointed when i ask them for something. i do not disclose any information about myself, because i don’t trust them.

i should learn my lesson by now. whenever i rely on either of them, i get disappointed. but i just don’t learn. they’re my parents. what am i gonna do?

well, once again, disappointment comes. i was heading out for an important meeting for something. i was supposed to be there by 8, but commuting takes more than an hour, so i planned on leaving around 6:30. but my dad was heading out as well, and he offered me a ride. my dad says that he’d be back around 7:30, because it was actually a 30 min drive. i trusted him, and said that i’d wait for him.

around 7:35, i kinda panicked a little bit, so i called my dad. he didn’t pick up. this went on for 15 mins. 7:50 hit, and i was a bit upset. this was a huge understatement. i called the people i was meeting up with, and let them know that i might be late. then i asked my mom for a ride, because if i commute, i would be there at around 9. my mom said no, because my dad didn’t renew the registration for HIS car, and he used my mom’s car. i was beyond upset at this point. not at my mother, though.

8:10, i called the people, letting them know that i can’t make it. they were understandably upset. i tried to give excuses, and eventually the conversation ended. 8:23, my dad called me, letting me know that he was on his way home. i said never mind, since there’s no point. he nonchalantly said goodbye, without any apology of any sort.

i’m not even upset anymore. i knew this was gonna happen. i’m just asking myself why. why are my parents like this? i barely let them down. the only thing i let them down in is my grades, but only because of the competitive school i’m enrolled in.

times like this, i wish… i just wish…

oops

i did it again. i stopped for awhile, but somehow i was drawn to it again. this is not healthy. it’s an addiction. and this is not who i am. i need to stop. permanently.

happy birthday to you

well, today is my sister’s birthday. happy birthday to her. i decided to do something nice, so i went to get her a present.

i thought about the things she wanted. she’s a little materialistic, so she had asked for expensive things like an ipad, a macbook, a television, etc. but, i’m pretty poor, and even if i did have the money to buy things that she wanted for her, i know she’d break them in a week’s time. for example, last year, i bought her an expensive set of headphones. within two weeks, she claimed that it was defective, but i clearly see the tear at cord, preventing the music from traveling to the headphones. so i was stuck on what to get her.

i remembered that she wanted a guitar as well, but i had already given her my old guitar, since i lost interest. i also remembered that the same guitar had only had five strings. with that in mind, i knew what i would get for my sister.

i went to the coinstar, since i had a lot of coins, and i didn’t know how much the guitar strings would cost. i put all my coins in, except $11 worth of dollar coins. my coins totaled to $80. i was overjoyed with the amount, so i bought myself some lunch.

i went to the music store closest to my house. i went inside and talked to the guy at the register. he set me up with a good set of strings, for a fair price. including tax, the strings cost around $10.

i went home, and went into her room, since she’s not home, and took her guitar. i fixed it up, tuned it, and set it on her bed. now all i’m waiting for is her reaction when she gets home later.

i hope she appreciates this little sentiment. i ask for nothing but a ‘thank you’ in return.

well, lookie here.

someone is apparently reading my blog. that’s surprising. to me anyways. and i looked at their blog. wonderful kind of writing i’ve never even thought of before. it’s pretty cool. i doubt i’d be able to write something like that. well at least i got something to occupy me when i’m bored.

feeling that procrastination coming on.

as i look at my wordpress, i realize that this might just be another thing that will just disappear with time. i felt lazy. i wanted to write this just to keep me going, keep me from forgetting that i made a commitment to this blog. it’s not really helping.

at this moment, i’m feeling the usual laziness drag that goes along with summer vacation. i’m sure that i’ll be rambling soon enough. actually, i feel that what i’m doing right now is considered rambling.

my head hurts. my back hurts. my eyes itch. my nose is runny. i’m hungry. i’m bored. i’m sleepy.

what to do… what to do…

i guess i’ll just ramble about my day.

well, my friend stayed over for the night last night, since we were at the beach that day, along with all of our friends. we had a great time, and dead tired. i was woken up by my friend, because he is sort of a caveman that doesn’t know how to work a television. he told me he tried for two hours. made me laugh. anyways, after i got it to the desired channel, he decided to play a video game. i obliged, since i wanted to play as well. as soon as i turn it on, i felt a hunger pang. we made breakfast. we ate, and played the video game.

after we played video games, we decided to visit a friend. we called him up, and asked if we can go to his house. then we got ready, and left. i called up another friend to come with us, and we met up at the train station closest to my friend’s house. when we got there, we watched television in his room.

then headed home. the friend who stayed over my house went home. my other friend, who met us at the station, stayed over his house. i went home, because i had things to do, but not really. when i got home, i just watched more television, and got bored. one thing led to another, and here i am, making a blog late into the night.

this is pretty boring, since i didn’t go into any sort of detail. but this was enough to prevent me from procrastinating, and forgetting to write on this blog.

at least i’m not not writing.

starting out on this.

i picked this website coz i saw a person’s wordpress on my news feed. it got me thinking of making a blog. there were many choices possible. tumblr was a prime choice for a blog, but it wasn’t my thing. i didn’t want to be obsessed, and i didn’t want to prove my friends right by falling into the ‘tumblr craze’. live journal was also a wonderful choice, but i know absolutely nothing about it. so i just went with the quickest, easiest, and simplest way to type my stress away.

when i came to wordpress, they made it easy for me to register. it still took me a good amount of time to come up with a domain name. i had so many clever ideas. i wanted to put livejournal or tumblr, or livejournal.tumblr, because that would have been very hilarious. then i saw the ‘you can change this later’ note below it. i figured i’d just put something stupid, since i can change it later. i was about to put ‘apparentlyyoucanchangethislatersoyeah’, and i saw how stupid that’d look. so i decided on ‘diarynojournalyes’. this domain name clarifies my gender.

so i finally got a blog together, and i thought, ‘that was easy’. then i came face to face with this somehow confusing posting system. i had a hard time trying to make sure no one can find any information on my identity unless they asked me. once i’ve made sure no one can see my email account, i got to writing the ‘about’ page. it summarizes what my goal is on making this blog. it’s not for anyone but myself.

i highly doubt anyone i know will read this, or find out who i am. if you enjoy my writing, i appreciate it. i’m not sure if there’s a feature here that lets people show their approval or dislike. well, it’s not like i care. it’s for me.